Introspective

I've been taking a hard look at my life lately, and I've come to the realization that I know enough to know that I know so little. A concept that makes me feel much older than I really am. I'm not having a pity party, or being down on myself; I'm just taking stock of my life so far. Unfortunately, there's not alot to take stock of!

I have many talents and dreams, but I'm not sure where this life is taking me, or what I should be doing with myself. I can do a little bit of everything, but I'm not very good at any one thing.

~ I can write code for basic web pages, but I can't do complex programming.

~ I can navigate around any program and even teach people how to perform basic tasks, but sometimes the most simple thing is hard for me to wrap my head around.

~ I can do basic car maintenance like changing the oil, filters and tires and fix minor problems, but if our car breaks down, I have no idea how to get it running again.

~ I can build things with my own hands, but nothing that's of any value to anyone but myself.

~ I can cook some basic meals without burning the house down or causing anyone to suffer food poisoning, but most of the time I have to ask someone else for help when it comes to anything that doesn't come prepackaged or out of a box.

~ I'm a voracious reader, and can string together enough sentences with the proper spelling and grammar to convey my thoughts, but I don't have the ability or discipline to write the novel I've always wanted to write.

~ I'm a good parent, and always try to do right by the children I love so dearly, but I'm always second guessing myself, or wishing I'd done something differently, because I don't feel they've had everything I wanted for them.

~ I know what to eat and how to exercise to lose weight, and yet I keep gaining weight.

~ I have great accounting skills and am proficient at math, but I don't have a clue about how to invest money or live better than paycheck to paycheck.

~ I can take a decent picture, and can edit pictures to look even better, but I don't have the knowledge or equipment to take a spectacular picture.

~ I'm a good listener, and can give some great advice to people, but the thought of listening to people whine about their lives for a living gives me a headache.

~ I can teach people how to do some things, but have no desire to work in a teaching capacity, especially when it comes to other people's children.

~ I can tell a few jokes, and keep a few people at a time entertained, but public speaking makes me a nervous wreck.

~ I can carry a tune and will sing in front of my immediate family, but karaoke with friends requires at least one strong alcoholic drink.

~ I love doing all of these things, but I don't have the passion to focus on any one of them in particular.

I'm wondering: where in this world do I belong? Am I destined to just float along, doing many things inadequately or in an amateurish fashion? Is there a place for someone like me? How can I turn my many likes into a passion for just one thing?

I have to admit, I'm envious of people who excel at one thing, and can make a living from it. I was one of those people who graduated from high school not really knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I wanted to work with computers, but that's about it. I was raised to know that I could do anything I wanted, but never quite given the skills to do any one thing ... I was taught a little bit of everything. I know that, somewhere deep down inside me, there's someone else fighting to get out, but I question if that person even knows what they want!

I know that after my health problems are taken care of, I'll want to be out there in the world, working for a living, contributing to the life my Husband and I have made for ourselves. But I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing! I don't want to go back and work as a cashier for the rest of my life. I know I don't want to be at the end of my life, looking back and wondering what exactly it is that I did with my life. I know I have it in me to do something bigger and better.

... but I don't know what.